Asking R U OK? Sometimes That’s All it Takes

R U OK? Day is your challenge to start a conversation that could change someone’s life.

Key points:

Can you remember a time when you felt seen and cared for? Perhaps life was messy, confusing, hard or all of the above and someone else took a moment to check in with you. You might not remember their words but you most likely remember how their words made you feel.

You don’t have to wait until September 11 to have the same impact. However, it is the day national suicide prevention charity R U OK? is committed to helping Australians strengthen their relationships and show us how to start tough conversations when it looks like life is overwhelming for someone in our community.

You’re not alone if you find yourself holding back from starting a tricky conversation. Maybe you don’t know where to begin, you’re afraid of where the conversation will go, or you don’t want to get it wrong.

Every year, R U OK? Day in September aims to equip us with the words and actions on how we can start a conversation to support the people around us doing it tough.

Why have the conversation?

RUOK? research shows that nine in 10 Australians who are regularly asked if they’re OK reported feeling more supported, connected and cared for.

Therefore, RUOK? says there’s no reason to back away from asking this simple question, even if it might come with a much more complicated answer.

How to have the conversation

RUOK? recommends keeping it simple — you don’t need any special skills to offer support to your friends, family, team or workmates.

Watch The 4 steps of an RUOK? conversation (ALEC):

1. Ask R U OK?

Be relaxed, friendly and concerned.

Simple questions can help them get started.

Tell them what you’ve noticed and why you’re concerned about them.

Let them share when they’re ready. If they don’t want to talk, let them know you care and will be ready to talk when they are.

2. Listen

Keep an open mind and don’t judge.

Allow them space they need to share and don’t interrupt. Silence might be uncomfortable for you, but it will give them room to think.

Repeat back what you’ve heard to check for understanding and show you’ve been listening.

RUOK? Day is about showing us what it takes to start a conversation that could bring change to the life of someone doing it tough.

3. Encourage action

Now you’ve started the conversation, it’s time to move them to action.

You can do this by asking more questions like “What have you done before to manage similar situations?” or “How would you like me to support you?”

Offer support to help them see a healthcare professional if they’ve been feeling down for more than two weeks.

Be aware that if you believe they are at risk, you may need to act yourself to contact a professional and get them help.

4. Check in

Follow up this conversation in the next couple of weeks – or sooner if appropriate.

Show them you are there to support them beyond that first conversation.

Show them you are there to support them beyond that first conversation.

If you want more details to help you understand these action steps, go to How to ask “Are you OK?” | R U OK?

R U OK? has even provided role play examples so you can see what it might look like to start a conversation with a friend, workmate or family member. Take some time to explore these different scenarios and then think about whether there’s someone in your life who could do with your support.

Are you ready to have the conversation?

Once you have the tools to start a conversation, check in with yourself too.

Ask yourself, “Am I in a good headspace? Can I give the time and attention that is needed”.

“Am I prepared? Will I be able to respond if they need support and help?

“Is this the best moment?”

You need to be in the right place and have enough time if you are to really listen. Check that it works for the other person too.

You now have the conversation tools

You’re ready. Now, take hold of the moment and get started.

Ask R U OK? to start the conversation that could save a life, and be ready to answer when someone asks you.

“Maybe the life that will be saved is yours,” R U OK? says.

Support helplines and services

If you or someone you know is struggling, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or visit lifeline.org.au. You can find our Hope 103.2 Careline information and more Helpful Counselling and Community Services here.

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