Big Questions Grandparents Are Asking

With questions flooding in, Ben McEachen and Ian Barnett from the ‘GrandParenthood’ podcast decided to sit down and chat about these hot topics.

Key points:

“The point of what we do,” Ian explained, “is simply to encourage, equip and empower grandparents to be intentional in leaving a faith legacy in Jesus to their grandkids.”

Having said that, the journey can be complicated. Let’s dive right in.

“Is it okay to keep secrets with grandkids?”

Ian didn’t hesitate: “No. If your grandchild is sharing something with you, their parents need to know.”

He explained why: “These days, other adults are sometimes saying to kids, ‘Don’t tell Mum and Dad about this. Let’s keep it our secret.’ And I’m totally against that.”

It might feel uncomfortable. It might cause friction. But Ian has seen too much at stake. “I’ve even had to say, ‘Look, I’m going to let Mum and Dad know and they might complain.’ Do it anyway.”

“What if I think my adult kids are wrong?”

This one made Ian pause. “Be slow to speak, slow to become angry. Let the parent be the parent.”

He suggested: “If you need to say something, wait. Say it privately, later on, and gently. But never in the moment. That’s not your role.”

“If your grandchild is sharing something with you, their parents need to know.”

“What if I want to talk about Jesus but the parents say no?”

“This is painful for a lot of us,” Ian admitted. “If your adult child or their partner has said, ‘Please don’t,’ then you need to respect that. Honour their wishes.”

But he added a gentle reminder: “Sometimes faith just pops up naturally. A grandchild might say, ‘Grandad, how come you can’t come to soccer on Sunday?’ And you answer, ‘Because I’m going to church.’ That’s not preaching — that’s just being honest.”

“Should I take sides if my kids separate?”

Ian’s response was full of compassion: “No, I don’t think so. The temptation is to take sides because you’re hurt. But there’s an old phrase that says, ‘hurting people hurt others.’ Don’t go there.”

“Separation might last five years, it might last ten, but you pray for the day when reconciliation happens. Your role is patience, understanding, listening.”

“You don’t have to have all the answers. We know the one who does — Jesus.”

“How can I get my pastor to value grandparents more?”

Ian chuckled: “The old Ian would have said — use a piece of three by two!”

“The new Ian says — pray before you speak. Be gentle. Understand pastors are busy. But help them see that grandparents aren’t a distraction from the mission — they’re part of it.”

He added: “Don’t expect an answer overnight. Ask them to pray about it. Let them know you’re there to support.”

“What do I do if my grandkids ask about different genders?”

This one is real and confronting for many.

Ian leaned in: “If your grandchild is genuinely asking, it’s not random. They’ve thought about it. They probably know someone who’s transitioning or struggling. Please don’t brush it off. Listen.”

He suggested gentle steps: “Ask if they’ve spoken to Mum or Dad. Find out what’s going on in their life. Don’t try to have all the answers right there. Just hear them.”

“Don’t underestimate the power of simply being present, praying faithfully, and loving well.”

“What should grandparents pray for?”

Ian lit up at this question. “Pray about lots of things! Start with ‘Help me, Jesus. Help me talk to my kids. Help me talk to my grandkids.’”

He encouraged asking the kids directly: What can I pray for?

“It might be exams. It might be their puppy dog. It might be a sport game. That’s okay. Just let them know you’re a praying grandparent.”

Ian even shared a family story: “My wife prayed for the partners of our three kids while they were still in the womb. Pray for their futures. Pray they’ll meet Jesus. Don’t be shy.”

“Is it enough to just be there?”

Some felt guilty for not constantly speaking about God. Ian reassured them: “It’s okay to just sit with your grandchild and say nothing. The fact that you’re there is a statement in itself. Playing a game, giving time — that sets you up for future conversations.”

Listen to this episode of the ‘GrandParenthood’ podcast in the player above or wherever you get your podcasts.

“What if I don’t know the answer?”

Ian grinned. “Sometimes Ben asks me questions and I don’t know the answer, so I make it up.”

Ben cut in: “Did you say don’t make it up?”

“Yes. Don’t make it up,” Ian smiled.

“Instead, just say: ‘Sweetie, that’s a great question. Can I come back to you on that?’ You can text them later. Or chat next time you see them. You don’t have to have all the answers. That’s true for parents too. We know the one who does — Jesus.”

“Don’t underestimate the power of simply being present, praying faithfully, and loving well.”

Listen to this episode of the ‘GrandParenthood’ podcast in the player above or wherever you get your podcasts.

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