Dr. Chris Thurman has been married for 44 years, and for much of that time he’s been a psychologist counselling numerous couples about the fundamental principles that make for a healthy marriage, and where they veer off course.
Key points:
- “A lot of us grow up thinking the intention for marriage is to make us happy… I don’t believe that,” Dr Thurman said.
- The way we manage our marriage has a direct flow-on effect to our entire family unit.
- Listen to the full interview with Dr. Chris Thurman in the player above.
Shaped by biblical theology and his own marriage, Dr. Chris Thurman’s book Real Marriage Made Simple explains why personal accountability and humility are key to marriage.
“A lot of us grow up thinking the intention for marriage is to make us happy,” Dr. Thurman told Hope 103.2.
“I don’t believe that.
“God’s not anti-happiness, but I think the intention is to mature us.
“To help us grow into more loving human beings.”
The way we manage our marriage has a direct flow-on effect to our entire family unit, and Chris sees a lot of “couples are under duress”
“A lot of us grow up thinking the intention for marriage is to make us happy… I don’t believe that,” Dr Thurman said.
“[Marriage] is the core of a family,” Dr. Thurman said.
“How a couple is doing can really make or break how a family is doing.
“[Couples] need some help to get along in a more loving, kind and safe way with each other.”
Culturally, there’s conflicting views on the value of marriage: research out of the UK suggests the majority of young people think marriage is important, but there’s also a decline in the amount of people pursuing it.
In part, Dr. Thurman thinks that’s because people have become “more pessimistic” about marriage working out, or don’t believe it can be “a loving and safe place”.
The way we manage our marriage has a direct flow-on effect to our entire family unit.
“Also, people are a bit more self-absorbed these days,” Dr. Thurman said.
“So a sacrificially loving marriage doesn’t appeal to some.”
Real Marriage Made Simple looks at 10 foundational “rules” of marriage, including Stay in Your Own Backyard, Own Your Own Stuff and Get Your Mind Right.
The first two deal with focusing on your own contribution to the marriage and not comparing your marriage to others, while the third is about the self-awareness needed to see how we’re perceiving the marriage.
“Overcoming faulty beliefs [and] irrational ways of looking at things is important,” Dr. Thurman said.
Listen to the full conversation in the player above.
“There’s a renewing of your mind needed in marriage.
“If your thoughts are not appropriate or rational or biblical [you’re] not going to handle things in the marriage very well.”
If you’re a couple wanting to improve the quality of your marriage, you need to start with a “respectful sit-down” with each other and “determine what kind of marriage you want”.
“Do we want a marriage that involves hard work?,” Dr. Thurman said
“Do we want a marriage that involves growth [and] where people humble themselves?
“If a couple can start there, then they can get all the counsel [and resources] to serve as an adjunct to their efforts, but you have to start there.”
Dr. Chris Thurman’s book Real Marriage Made Simple is out now.
Listen to the full interview with Dr. Chris Thurman in the player above.
Featured image: Photo of cover used with permission.
Get daily encouragement delivered straight to your inbox
Writers from our Real Hope community offer valuable wisdom and insights based on their own experiences!
